What Up With That?
It’s December 1987. Nelson Mandela has died in prison and the world is turning out for the grand state funeral put on by the South African government. State President Botha feels great pressure to treat him as a beloved Native Son for many of those within South Africa, as well as, a freedom fighter for those outside South Africa. There has been great international pressures brought to bear in the form of boycotts. Little Steven stopped playing Sun City, and books, songs, and even movies were really hurting their reputation and driving the boycotts. It was unfortunate luck that the movie Cry Freedom had just come out two months prior, and that put the icing on the decision of a State Funeral cake.
It’s the third day of crowds sleeping in the corridors of JFK International waiting for the government to figure out how to temporarily lift the ban on flights to South Africa.
Diondre Cole (Kenan Thompson) parks his dying 1977 Continental in the red zone and continues to grab his luggage and enter the airport while fast talking over the airport security guard. He thinks he can melt into the crowd, but his teal blue suit says otherwise. He ends up getting chased through the airport, only escaping with the help of a rain coat and ducking into the men’s room.
He enters, trying to look nonchalant, and steps into a stall. There is a group of four white guys dressed in matching red track suits, trying to look like RUN DMC, gold chains and all, at the sinks. Three of the group are clearly Jewish and are arguing with the one gentile, about their new vision of a Poppin Boogaloo style, and how they will be incorporating it in their moves. But gentile Vance (Jason Sudeikis), is against it and fighting for the original vision of the group; Mime Jazz. They are at an impasse and emotions are building. The leader of the group, and author of the new BoogiePop™ dance moves, finally snaps when Vance won’t compromise on anything, even after he was willing to lose the white glove(s); and starts to beat Vance horribly using his own hybrid fighting style called: KaratePop™. There are lots of distractions using the hands and then knees and kicks to the groin and body.
Diondre Cole has actually started using the toilet and can’t come to the aid of the man being beaten. As he is watching through the crack between the stall door and frame he starts yelling at them, but to no avail. He stops mid-job and finally gets out of the stall. By that time Vance is on the tile floor bloodied and mumbling. Diondre helps him up and wipes off his blood with paper towels, and explains he’s a faith healer from Ohio… but it doesn’t work on people who got their ass kicked by God’s Chosen People.
They hear the announcement that their flight is now boarding and they head to the gate.
Hours later they are on a plane crowded with people, ordinary to celebrity. Vance and Diondre one seat from each other, and on their way to South Africa. Diondre has been trying to get to the toilet since they were allowed to unbuckle their seat belts, but there has been a steady stream of people getting in line ahead of him. He spends the whole time looking back at the door waiting for his chance to go, instead of looking out the window at the storm rising up to meet them. He finally sees his chance to go and jumps up, only to have Kenny G with seemingly, a look-alike in tow, complaining to him about his choice in saxophone. Diondre wasn’t fast enough and has to continue to wait. Vance is trying to get Diondre’s attention and is grabbing his arm trying to direct him to the window and the huge clouds moving towards them.
As Kenny G and the look-alike Giuseppe (Fred Armisen) reach the toilets, Kenny G reaches his limit, and starts to heatedly argue back. Just as he is pointing his finger at Giuseppe the plane is overtaken by turbulence as the storm reaches the plane, and they are thrown together. The lights are going on and off as Diondre is trying to see if they are going to use the toilets. between each flash of darkness, the scene before him changes. Kenny G and Giuseppe are being thrown around, looking like a version of William Hurt bouncing off the walls of his hallway in Altered States. They morph and change. When the lights come back on for good, Kenny G is gone, and Diondre craps his pants.
He waddle runs back to the toilet and ducks in just as Giuseppe does the same. Giuseppe is trying to splash water on his face because he is freaking out, and Diondre is trying to lose his underwear. Diondre is able to force out Giuseppe and clean up.
Giuseppe bounces off the restroom door opposite and notices it now says Vacant, even though he never saw or heard Phil Specter leave, and when he turned to see if he was perhaps still walking down the aisle, he was shocked to see the majority of the passengers were missing.
When Diondre finally exits, he runs into Giuseppe, who is still standing in front of the door staring into the cabin. When he gets out and looks at what has Giuseppe so mesmerized, and takes on the same dumbfounded look. He leaves Giuseppe and rejoins Vance, who is also freaking out. They ask the stewardess what happened, and through her confusion at their questions, explains that they will be arriving soon, and thanked them again for visiting South Africa, and flying South African Airways. ( We later find out Little Steven never took up the cause because of he discovered the cure for baldness…and his song was actually the thing that motivated the world against apartheid, not the horrors of its reality, or the books, or films, etc., it was Steven Van Zandt ‘s protest anthem.) Thoroughly confused, they land in South Africa and soon realize there are no special events going on, in fact, Nelson Mandela is still in prison.
Giuseppe goes to the airport duty free shop looking for the new album Kenny G said was already released internationally, only to find there is no Kenny G albums, and nobody has ever heard of him. They exchange their tickets for flights leaving to New York immediately, and get right back on a plane.
When they arrive back in NYC they don’t have a car and all their luggage is still in Africa, except Giuseppe’s Saxophone. There is a preacher trying to tell anyone who will listen, “the world has changed and the end is near!” using a portable PA system. Diondre can’t talk his way into borrowing it, so Vance kick’s the preachers ass using KaratePop™, and they steal it.
Diondre uses it to draw a crowd to hear Giuseppe play his sax. The people have never heard such music, and begin to gather. Vance starts dancing along and the crowd goes even more nuts. His moves are new and hip. Even he has never performed them before. When a man calls out “What do you call those moves?” Vance, to his own amazement says, “BoogiePop”. The crowd cheers and start dropping cash in the cup Diondre is holding while doing the running man dance as they move by.
The group of them are videotaped during the last of their performance, and the videotape gets in the hands of a local TV producer who starts a manhunt for them.
They proceed to go to Giuseppe’s place on the West side. He’s a trust fund baby and lives quite well, with his sisters Pippa and Piper. His neighbor is Lindsey Buckingham.
I will leave it there with most of Act 1. These are not my characters to play with, really. I just wanted to share my ideas of how to make those characters fit in a movie world through the Mandela Effect.
“If you’re making Christmas cookies, don’t get that cheap ass frozen dough.”
Diondre Cole
If you want to hear my thoughts on how it should continue, or you have thoughts of your own, comment below.
Mutemandeafcat
P.S. I did not trademark anything, or know of any trademarks I need to recognize, I was making a joke.
The skit and the characters are, I assume, the property of SNL, NBC, and their parent companies. And, I in no way mean to infringe upon their rights of ownership.