Dear Mr. Leno,

I am an internet blogger (I have been so for, like a week.) and I have had literally hundreds of people viewing my posts…a post.  And, therefore I have every right to demand you listen to me.  Apparently.

So, here’s what I want from you (other than a completely virtual reality tour of your entire garage, that is updated regularly that anyone can afford to buy and enjoy,) a television show where you, Tim Allen, and Jerry Seinfeld, (and anyone else who is willing to spend $100k to restore a $35k automobile) truly discuss what you love to discuss.  I mean, if you want to spend ten minutes on Porsche lug nuts, you do that.  I want to hear the arcane and esoteric.

But, here is what I do not want to hear; you guys attempting to establish who is the funniest guy in the room right now.  That, like always, is for the parking lot after the show.

So, we the audience can’t know who is talking.  Which will hopefully keep you weirdos from attempting to be “on” during the whole thing… and I think everyone here knows I’m talking about you, Mr. Allen.

Now, with a little more clarity, I demand… You let one of those guys who is constantly showing up and pitching you, this show or that show, have a show; this one:

An animated show where you have a fictional janitor (possibly wearing one of your hats circa 1978) at your garage, casually mop on over to where there are three cartoon guys looking at the engine of some car.  Then we as an audience follow the janitor and we all listen in as you discuss why this car is significant historically, technically, etc., with cool animations highlighting your words. To further my education of useless car knowledge.

You get some actors to do the voice over for anonymity, (I’m sure there are tons of them standing around Hollywood asking where they can audition for Youtube.com) and it’s a win-win for everyone.  You get to invite friends over, wear microphones and talk about the things you love, with people who know what you’re talking about.  That way, you can speak without teaching… you know, so you can teach.

 

It would be appreciated.

Thank You.

MutemanDeafcat