I am speaking of dreams, not aspirations.

Dreams have been a huge part of my life, and I hope, always will be.  In fact, I still remember my first remembered dream.

I was still in my crib as a baby, and from there I could see a window.  In my dream there was a family of bears outside my window looking in on me…and it was terrifying.  They were illustrations of bears from a children’s book (they had clothes on), I assume.  They weren’t doing anything scary, just looking.

I only remember that dream still because it reoccurred a number of times in my childhood.  It was always scary, always a nightmare.  It was scary for two reasons; some unknown group, with unknown intentions, is observing me; and I am powerless to remove their gaze.  Well, three things, the other being I was on the second story of the house!  How were they just “at my window”?

That third aspect has been a subject of fascination.  When did that thought first appear?  Was it present in the original fears generated by its first occurrence?  Or, was it added at a later date?  My ego likes to think it was always there, but that is some crazy high level cognition to be having at around 8 months, so I am much more likely to have added that post 6 years old, and not before.

I have some unique experiences in my dreams. (Duh! No, I mean, compared to other dreamers.)  One of those things is dying.  I have died countless times.  In dumb unrealistic ways, and ways so real it’s disconcerting.  Again, I don’t mean I fall off a cliff, and wake up in sweats as I’m racing towards the ground.  I hit the ground.  I feel the impact, pain, and then it fades to black.  I may wake up in fear, or I may start a new dream.

I have been shot many times.  In the face, back of the head, chest, etc. and it is always very real with real blood, real struggles for life, and then my lungs fail and heart stops.  Sometimes I’m in that in between state long enough to recognize how foreign it is to not hear your heart beating…even though you almost never do because you brain disregards it, and yet, becomes highly focused on it when it isn’t there!

The first time I was killed is still very vivid in my memory.  I was nine-ish, it takes place at an uncles house, where my brother and I had been spending a lot of time.  The house was a little cottage on a gravel road.  Across the road were huge growths of blackberries.  Blackberry bushes are both inviting and scary.  They have many horrible thorns protecting their sweet berries.  At night, they take on a darker presence; to a fearful child’s mind anyway.  In the dream I am with my older brother at the bushes gathering some berries for dessert.  When a deep scary voice says, “I’m Wolfman U.S.A. and I am going to eat you!”  My brother and I look at each other, frozen in fear.  Then we hear it again, “I’m Wolfman U.S.A. and I am going to get you!”  But, this time, we can hear something big coming at us through the Blackberry briers!  We take off running as fast as we can.  My brother is ahead of me running towards the front door.  Their is no porch, just two concrete steps and a small landing to the wooden screen door being our only obstacle to the safety of the house.  My brother was getting a few more steps ahead and was able to leap to the door, fling it open and run inside.  He quickly turns to see where I am, as the squealing spring pulls the door closed behind him.  He is just inside the door looking at me, as I leap onto the landing reaching for the door.  Just as it slams shut and slightly bounces back at my grasping hand, my brothers face takes on horror as I feel the impact from behind and see my own blood splash against the screen.  The look on my brothers face through the bloody screen door my last memory, as I fade out and feel my body being jerked away.

It was so scary, I can’t begin to express its depths.

Luckily, there was that “Wolfman U.S.A.” thing.  Even as a child I thought, “that’s weird.  He’s a brand?  Does he do a show with Wolfman Jack?”  It kept it real? Unreal?  What is the right term there?  I have no idea.

Anyway, many car wrecks, falls, stabbings, beatings, etc. later, I haven’t met anyone who experiences the whole event.  They always end, or wake up before they “hit the ground”, so to speak.

Another odd thing that has happened, was a dream character referring to another dream.  I was in my late teens, it would’ve been around 1988.  Where I lived there was a market, a mile or two from my house, I would walk to occasionally.  In my dream I was there, and for the first time, there were all kinds of cars around like it was the place to hangout.  It wasn’t in real life, but in this dream, that section of road had become the place for all the kids to cruise in their cars, and park to hangout.

I ended up spending quite awhile talking to this guy in the parking lot.  I only vaguely knew who he was, and just had some nice conversations.  In reality, I did know who he was, he was the lead singer from New Kids on the Block.  We had just talked for a while then I went home.

Around six months later, I have a dream that takes place in a different location, another store for some reason, and I meet someone standing in line.  We start talking, and I can’t stop thinking I know this person.  Where do I know them?  So, I ask the guy?  “How do I know you?”  He says, “We met about six months ago in that dream at that market.”  I immediately recognized him as the lead singer of New Kids on the Block and which dream he was speaking of…and it blew my dreaming mind.

I had never had a dream character refer to another dream, or anything like that, and it opened up a lot of doors of thought.

I have also always had some dreams that would somehow announce that they are important the moment they start.  They always are important, but not always at the time.  The bizarre thing is I never forget their essence, even if I forget their detail.  Then years later, I will have another dream or a life experience, and that dream comes back.  It was always an answer to a question I hadn’t asked yet.  I hit a wall of some type, and as I am searching for the answer to the immediate problem, I formulate the essence of what the answer is and… ding!  That essence is the essence of that dream from years ago, and somehow I am able to pull up that dream memory and access much more detail of the dream, and find my answer.  I have no idea how that all works, but it does.

I have also had many other types of dreams.  I’ve had reoccurring locations, characters and events, and experienced all aspects of life.  Many times I will dream of a workday, and it is just as real and just as boring.  Still, it is a rich and fascinating place to visit.  I truly can enjoy the dreamscapes.

I have shared some of the scary dream events I experience, but I assure you, they all have their counterparts.

 

I started this post wanting to present what I think dreams are, and why they exist, but I will save that for another time.  During the writing I realized, I first want to find any dream siblings.

Do you dream like I do?

Does any of this seem familiar to you?

If so, I would like to hear your stories!

 

 

 

Mutemandeafcat